Growing Pains

Be Your Own Kind Of BeautifulHey guys todays post is another personal post but this time its more about growing up then whats been happening lately or what my plans are for the future so I hope you guys enjoy it and take a little something from it!

So yesterday was Tuesday and thats the night I watch Keeping Up With The Kardashians and The Royals and in this weeks episode of KUWTK the main focus was Kylie Jenners lips. She has been under a lot of fire from the media over her new look and there is a lot of stories and attempts to recreate her look by people putting there lips in shot glasses and things like that and just ending up looking like complete idiots and I was one of the people thinking “She so obviously had lip fillers and I think that at 17 years of age that is so wrong because she’s still so young and this is what happens when you get kids growing up in the public eye” etc etc but in this episode she changes my mind. I still think that having lip fillers at 17 is a bit young even if they are temporary and that she should have waited a little while before deciding to try it out but she explains really well why she did it. Kylie Jenner before and afterWhen her sisters talk to her about her lips she says “I have always been insecure about my lips and I don’t like talking about them” which is fair enough we all have our own insecurities but in the show interview she says “People are always criticising us and I have always been insecure about my lips and I think that when you have people criticising you everyday, especially at my age when you’re trying to find yourself, it can make you very insecure about yourself” and thats when I remember that she is just a 17 year old girl who in the words of Britney Spears is “Not A Girl Not Yet A Woman” and that got me thinking about how I felt about myself at that age (it was only two and half years ago but a lot has changed!) and the insecurities I had. I think people do forget that Kylie is just a teenage girl who is in the public eye everyday with people saying anything they want about her having never met her and basing everything on her appearance and the family show. I do feel bad for her because I dont think everyone understand hows hard it is to be 16/17 years old as a girl in this day and age.  So here is my story of the insecurities I had at her age. (Only a whole 2 and a half years ago so Im pretty to close to her age!)

Old photo from 2008                            When I was 7 I moved over here to Ireland to Kerry and started a new life basically. New school, new people, new house everything and that was pretty scary at the time. I was a small curly haired child with no knowledge of any current music or trends or fashion at the time and I remember being totally clueless of anything that any of the girls in my class were interested in like Girls Aloud or even Britney Spears or Gaelic Football (not that I am anyway interested in football now) but I learnt a few things along the way and caught up with stuff during my 5 years in my primary school. Then I started Secondary school and it was a whole other story. I didn’t know anyone when I started my secondary school and I remember feeling so scared about joining a building with 600+ students having been in a school with about 60 people maximum! There is a photo somewhere of me on my first day with my skirt so long it was at my ankles and my hair in this bushy curly fringed ponytailed mess and I hadn’t discovered make up or beauty at this point and I remember getting there and seeing how many girls there were in my year and how they were all so much prettier than me.Me and my nanny in 2008So over the five years of being in that school thats when insecurities started to grow. There were girls in the school not just in my year who were just looked perfect everyday with perfect make up, perfect hair and even though we were all in the same uniform they managed to make it look so flattering and then there was me. I was wearing a skirt that I rolled up so it rolled down at the back and looked really awful and the jumper was way too big and I couldn’t control my hair if my life depended on it so as you can imagine I was not the pretty, popular type! My securities went as follows:

  • I hated my glasses and the fact that I had to wear them.
  • I hated my frizzy wild hair and my awful fringe.
  • My skin was kind of bad and I hated that I didn’t know a thing about make up.
  • I hated my smile because my teeth are slightly crooked and when I do smile fully it made my cheeks look really chubby.
  • My uniform looked awful on me compared to the other girls who somehow managed to look really skinny and like models in theirs where as mine looked frumpy and oversized.

By the time I was in my fourth year I had somewhat mastered my school look. I was always so insecure about my hair because it was more frizzy than curly and I remember a guy making fun of it on my bus one day (we ended up being really good friends and you can see him on Instagram and Youtube doing videos under @Justjuniour94) so by this point I had been straightening the life out it! I really wanted to be like the pretty, perfect girls of the school and so started straightening my hair to try and fit in. It wasn’t like I didn’t have friends I have some really good, amazing friends from my time at school but just to be recognised as a pretty girl would have been the best thing at the time! I slowly got into make up and started the long period of mismatched coloured foundation while trying not to let it be too obvious for fear I would get in trouble for wearing make up! No matter what I did I just didn’t feel like I was a pretty girl. I would wear the make up and straighten my hair but halfway through the day my makeup would have rubbed off in places and the rain would have messed up my hair and I just felt to ugly compared to the vast majority in my year and in the school. You can imagine this was so frustrating being 16 and wanting nothing more but to feel pretty and have other people say it too. christmas 2011In fourth year thats when I started to feel a bit better about myself. I got out of my grey hoodie phase and started to become a bit more confident and a teeny bit secure in myself. I had somewhat mastered make up by this point and had found a foundation that worked for me and my hair had been trained into staying straight. I still hadn’t joined the pretty girl club and I wasn’t noticed by boys or anything but I had good friends around me that helped me through the hassle of being 16 and insecure. Hell we were all in it together and we all had insecurities!

After my last year at secondary school it was time to start all over again by moving to Galway to do my fashion retail course and thats when it all changed. I ended up living with 5 very different girls all around my age and learned something from each and every one of them. The main two I got on with were totally different to each other and are both so interesting! One was french and was only in Galway for a year and the other was English living in Clare studying journalism. I also met my one of my best friends at my course who is an amazing friend and I could not do without her! Galway truly was one of the best experiences of my life and also taught so many lessons in so many ways. I honestly did not think I would leave with all the things I have learnt outside of my college course! Galway really was the reason I finally got comfortable in my own skin and I have so many people to thank for that! As Kylie said “At this age when you are finding yourself” and I really did in Galway. I turned eighteen a few months after I moved there and I have grown up so much and have found my passion and who I am.

Free bird in GalwayI learnt some really good lessons while I was there and here are a few of them!

  • There is no point in looking in the mirror and focusing on your flaws and putting yourself down all the time because end of the day you are you and you’re the only version of that so how can you be unattractive if theres no other you?
  • There are always going to be people that look like they have everything so much better than you and that seems so perfect and has everything together but everyone has insecurities and things that you dont know about so dont think that these people are any more important than you are.
  • If you focus on all the good points about yourself you will be happier with yourself. For example I actually really like my eyes and lips. Its not a shameful thing to say that you like something about yourself! I know that if you’re 16 if a girl says that they’re really pretty you think “god you’re vein” but unless your are constantly shoving it in peoples faces and always saying how good you look then you’re not vein you’re just confident!
  • Leave all the school girl drama exactly where it belongs. In the past. If you have had issues with anyone other girl at school over what you both look like or anything like that just move on. You’re not 16 anymore so let it go and be adult. I know from experience that there are some girls who just cant get out of the 16 year old girl mindset so don’t get caught up in their drama and just remove all that teenage negativity from you life because honestly it will hold you back if you are constantly keeping an eye on that one person you didn’t get on with just to be up to date with their life when you have your own one to live! Basically when it comes to school just Let It Go!
  • One of the most important things is to just be yourself. If you like sitting at home reading a book instead of going out then do it, if you like dressing up and going out every weekend with friends do it, whatever you’re interested in and feel happier doing then do it. Don’t do things just to please people and definitely do things when you are ready and don’t let people pressure you into anything. Just because everyones doing something doesn’t mean you have to, work at your own pace and do what you’re comfortable with. I remember when I was 16 nearly all my friends had started drinking and I just wasn’t interested in getting drunk and didn’t feel like I wanted to so I didn’t. Now Im 19 Im still not mad into getting absolutely hammered on a night out like a lot of people but I do have a few and honestly I feel like if you can have a few drinks and still remember the night thats better than waking up not knowing a thing!

So remember everyone is different all around the world from different shapes, sizes, styles, skin, origins, interests and passions and everyone has had their insecurities so just don’t let them hold you back from anything! Kylie Jenner has found a solution to her insecurity that not many of us at 17 could afford but she found her happiness and thats what made her comfortable with herself so I hope that everyone else finds their insecurity solutions too!

Evanna Lily InstagramSo thats todays post and I hope that you all enjoyed it and remember that you are all unique and beautiful and not a sheep in a flock just following the rest of them!

From the girl who finally got comfortable in her own skin.

Lily

xx

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3 thoughts on “Growing Pains

  1. LC'sCloset says:

    This is a great post Lily! I was (and sometimes still am) the shyest girl in school and I was riddled with insecurities. I never wore make up to school (thank god because skin would be ruined!) but it was more because I was the oldest girl in my family and didn’t have a clue where to start. I also wanted to be as skinny as the pretty girls.

    I put on a little bit of weight in 2nd year, but had lost it all by the time I sat my Junior Cert. In reality I was as skinny, if not skinnier than those girls but I couldn’t see it because I just couldn’t escape that time when I ate way too many packs of Tayto (not even joking – that’s what happened and puberty too!!)!

    As I’ve gotten older I’ve realised that we are never happy. We are always going to want to be prettier, skinner, taller, have more clothes, more make-up. Even supermodels have their bad days and when you think of it I’m sure those pretty girls in school had just as many insecurities. You probably didn’t show yours to them, just as they didn’t show you.

    When I talk to my younger sisters and tell them not to worry about what other people think I sometimes completely forget what it felt like to be in school and to be 17. It’s hard enough being a normal 17 year old, but it must be horrible to have your every move captured…

    I completely agree with all of your points and I love how you feel you found yourself in Galway! It’s an amazing place where I spent many years in college and made amazing friends. Keep up the good work girl 🙂

    Lorna x

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